My Fairytales and Happy Endings..

I live in this fantasy world. I choose what I want to believe and ignore what the truth is, sometimes. Maybe that is why my dreams are always about running.. running away from all problems.. from reality. One my principles in life is to think happy thoughts. My memory has not enough space for bad ones that don't bring me any good, so why bother remember.

I believe that in this whole wide world that there is one perfect person just for you, making that special person perfect, I believe that I will someday find a job that I will be passionate about, I believe to always be true to yourself, your feelings, I believe is life is what you make out of it...

Something striked me today, when my boyfriend asked me that why say things that you don't mean. He continued to say, why say yes when your heart is actually desiring the opposite, why pretend to be someone you're not, how am I going to understand you if you keep pretending and not telling me what you actually want... is this why they say that women always mean the opposite? Maybe, but here is how all the questions turn up..

If I said yes to him staying over, then I am a not some kinda control freak girlfriend that doesn't give you space to hang out with your own friends. Besides, how often do see them? Although I wanted him to come back but I said yes still because I would want him to do the same if I were in his position. Besides, I will still see him next week unlike his friends. I was kinda unhappy about it and I passed this comment in a conversation we had "So, what have you been doing there till you don't want to come back?" Then this whole thing came up lah.. I said something I didn't mean because I didn't want to be the other person a control freak, and selfish. It silly right to be someone like that.

But am I being true to my feelings, to what I actually want. All my life, have I been pretending, wearing a mask disguise to not show what I feel, whom I really am, leading people to believe something? Am I really like that? I never thought that I was, but after him asking me all this.. I don't know.